We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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