Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
