She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
