Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
