The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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