The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
