So drunk its hurt
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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