dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
