i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Come on in and take your pants off
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