And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
