We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
