Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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