walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
