I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
