i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
