Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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