Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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