the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
