my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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