oh god the rape fog is back!
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
