listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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