So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
