Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
