Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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