my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
