i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
