Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
