Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
