a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
