Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
what is it with giant penises always finding me
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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