Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
