M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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