please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
