i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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