i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
