oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
