Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
