the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
