I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
