I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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