I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
