A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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