stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
