I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
