You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
A bitchslap is in order.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
