Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
