I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
