ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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