I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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