I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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