i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
