Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
