Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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