no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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