I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
